The Macaronis

A dark comedy for adults, pasted on one wall in Machattan. Every poster is a book. Read the openings free, mark the books you finish, and the wall changes for you.

Ten adult comic novellas about pasta people in a city one humid day from going mushy.

Start with No. 01 — Read the opening

Ten books. One block. Humidity rising.

Ten books: the posters, close up BoilWatch: today's notice, close up Who's who: the people on the block Short shifts: ten games from the books
Short shifts: ten games from the books

The Macaronis: the trailer

The wall, close

BoilWatch: today’s in-world weather

BOILWATCH STATUS

NO SIGNAL

RECOMMENDATION: READ ANYWAY

SPOILERS UNDER PROTECTION PLUS Opens when you mark Book Three finished.

THE KITCHEN ENVIRONMENTAL SERVICES DIVISION

OFFICIAL

ON THE STREET

SPOILERS UNDER PROTECTION PLUS Opens when you mark Book Ten finished.

Noted. Ignored. — the block

BOILWATCH ALERT

HUMIDITY STABILIZING

RESUME NORMAL OPERATIONS

THANK YOU FOR YOUR COOPERATION

What is BoilWatch? Any day

Boil Season: the ten books

Ten posters, No. 01 to No. 10. Each one is a book; tap one for its box, its facts and its free opening.

  1. START HERE No. 01 Welcome to the Boil , Book One. Spotlight: Ricky Rigatoni, 21.
  2. No. 02 Saucegate , Book Two. Spotlight: Nonna Rigatoni, 79.
  3. No. 03 The Clout Pot , Book Three. Spotlight: Louie Lasagna, 24.
  4. No. 04 Uncooked and Unbothered , Book Four. Spotlight: Tony Tortellini, 21.
  5. No. 05 The Pasta Purity Filter , Book Five. Spotlight: Lao Lao LoMein, 79.
  6. No. 06 Alley Auditions , Book Six. Spotlight: Mikey Macaroni, 19.
  7. No. 07 Doors Are Closing , Book Seven. Spotlight: Frankie Fettuccini, 23.
  8. No. 08 Kindness War , Book Eight. Spotlight: Whole Wheat Willie, 22.
  9. No. 09 Heat Wave , Book Nine. Spotlight: Lilly LoMein, 22.
  10. No. 10 The Boil Over , Book Ten. Spotlight: Ricky Rigatoni, 21, and Lilly LoMein, 22.

All ten books, in order

Short shifts, one per book

Short Shifts: games

Ten short shifts, one per book. No pay. No experience necessary. Every one works without the fancy layer.

  1. No. 01

    Kindness Board: Book One game

    VOLUNTEER WANTED. Keep one nice note on a public board until dark.

    Pay: none. Hours: all of them.

    Spend a day: Kindness Board

    Welcome to the Boil

  2. No. 02

    Saucegate Daily: Book Two game

    SOMEBODY TOUCHED MY blank

    Case files daily at 7 a.m. Machattan time. Bring your own suspicion.

    Take the case: Saucegate Daily

    Saucegate

  6. No. 06

    PROTECTION PLUS IS HIRING

    Open Call: Book Six game

    Open auditions in the alley. No experience necessary. Experience discouraged.

    Five stations. One folding table. The line is the line.

    Alley Auditions

  8. No. 08

    Kindness War: Book Eight game

    COMPLIMENT YOUR NEIGHBOR. (Or else.)

    Six rounds. Stationery provided. Mercy not included.

    Pick up a pen: Kindness War

    Kindness War

Every short shift, with the rules in words

Pull back: to the street, across the lane

Across the line

The kindness board, today

THE MACHATTAN KINDNESS BOARD: the block’s anonymous notes, today

Say something nice.

Bolted to the brick of No. 1 by a courier with three apps and one plan. Five notes a day. Nobody signs their real name.

  1. You’re doing great, probably.

  2. Whoever keeps watering the basil on the fire escape: thank you.

    — not the basil

  3. Whoever fixed the third step of the walk-up: the step and I are both doing better.

  4. Today’s humidity is not your fault. Most things aren’t. Some are. Not this one.

  5. Courage is crossing this street at seven while two grandmothers are sweeping.

These five have been up so long they’ve stopped curling. With JavaScript on, the board changes every morning at seven.

SPOILERS UNDER PROTECTION PLUS Opens when you mark Book One finished.

Some doors shouldn’t be opened.

— A friend

SPOILERS UNDER PROTECTION PLUS Opens when you mark Book Four finished.

Remember the room.

— A friend

SPOILERS UNDER PROTECTION PLUS Opens when you mark Book Seven finished.

The late train only stops for one.

— A friend

SPOILERS UNDER PROTECTION PLUS Opens when you mark Book Ten finished.

SOMETHING IS COMING. STAY TOGETHER.

— A FRIEND

SPOILERS UNDER PROTECTION PLUS Opens when you mark Book One finished.
After dark, the first night:

Be less cringe.

Feedback is a gift.

And still standing.

SPOILERS UNDER PROTECTION PLUS Opens when you mark Book Eight finished.
Where the board hung: the shape of the frame, black at the middle, brown at the edges. Four bolts.

HONESTY BOARD — SAY WHAT YOU MEAN

Fresh wood. Clean paper. Bolted up overnight by somebody nobody saw.

Spend a day on the board: the Kindness Board, Book One’s short shift

Pin one of today's notes

Three of today’s notes. Pick one and it goes up.

    Across the line: the grandmothers’ sign war, today

    Two shops, one lane of cobbles, and a white line down the middle that nobody admits to painting. A sign each, every morning.

    TODAY: RIGATONI. TOMORROW: ALSO RIGATONI.

    Nonna’s Pasta Shop

    TODAY: NOODLES. TOMORROW: BETTER NOODLES.

    Lao Lao’s Noodle Shop
    SPOILERS UNDER PROTECTION PLUS Opens when you mark Book One finished.

    June, the first pair

    NONNA’S ORIGINAL RIGATONI — Kindness starts with a full stomach

    PREMIUM NOTES — THEY STICK

    SPOILERS UNDER PROTECTION PLUS Opens when you mark Book Two finished.

    After the sauce

    ORIGINAL RECIPE — Found safe. No thanks to SOME people.

    STILL INNOCENT. STILL SUPERIOR.

    SPOILERS UNDER PROTECTION PLUS Opens when you mark Book Nine finished.

    After the heat broke, at the 7:15 flip

    SOLE PROVIDER OF YESTERDAY’S HYDRATION — ACCEPT NO SUBSTITUTES

    WE WERE HERE FIRST (AND COOLER)

    SPOILERS UNDER PROTECTION PLUS Opens when you mark Book Ten finished.

    NO SIGNS TODAY.

    Both doors are propped open: one with a sauce pot, one with a teapot.

    Pull back: to the street, across the lane

    The paper

    Tear here: Cancel Anytime, Book Three's tear-off game Live now: be the 48th viewer, a Book Three game

    Help wanted

    Help wanted: in-world job ads, one a day

    WANTED

    SOMEONE TO HOLD THE LADDER.

    Ladder not provided.

    Applications not accepted. Positions not real. Hours: all of them.

    The day's notices

    From the desk of R. Ravioli: Ralphie’s notice of the day

    NOTICE: LOITERING NEAR THE BOARD IS PERMITTED BETWEEN 9 AND 5. AFTER 5 IT IS STILL PERMITTED.

    Noted. — R. Ravioli

    SPOILERS UNDER PROTECTION PLUS Opens when you mark Book One finished.

    SAFETY CHECKPOINT — SCAN FOR SAFETY

    The original was zip-tied to a broomstick. This is the laminated copy.

    PROTECTION PLUS: the wall’s spoiler cover

    SPOILER COVER FOR TEN BOOKS.

    Every lid on this wall, sealed by a professional. Professional pending.

    • BASIC: free
    • PREMIUM: also free
    • PLATINUM ELITE: free, but Louie calls you

    Coverage is a courtesy. Any lid opens the moment you open it on purpose. For the records, HR.

    — L. Lasagna, Founder

    Tear here Cancel Anytime*: Book Three’s tear-off game

    *Parody. Nothing here charges anything. There is no subscription.

    LIVE NOW · 47 WATCHING LADLE LIVE · @LouieLasagna Be the 48th: Viewer 48, Book Three game
    SPOILERS UNDER PROTECTION PLUS Opens when you mark Book Three finished.

    23 SUBSCRIBERS Twenty-three is more than zero.

    SPOILERS UNDER PROTECTION PLUS Opens when you mark Book Six finished.

    CREW CASTING CALL — APPLY WITHIN

    Protection Plus is expanding. Are YOU ready to protect?

    Join the line at the alley from five in the morning. Anticipation builds value.

    Dental: under review.

    NOT HIRED. For the records.

    SPOILERS UNDER PROTECTION PLUS Opens when you mark Book Six finished.

    PROTECTION PLUS

    NOT JUST PROTECTION FROM THINGS.

    PROTECTION FOR THINGS.

    TRENDING NOW

    UNCOOKED IS THE NEW COOKED

    Be dry. Be superior. Be raw.

    12.4K posts in the last hour

    SPOILERS UNDER PROTECTION PLUS Opens when you mark Book Three finished.

    SPAGHETTINATOR 3000 SAME GRAINS. SAME GREAT TASTE.

    SPOILERS UNDER PROTECTION PLUS Opens when you mark Book Four finished.

    TRENDING NOW

    OVERCOOKED-CORE IS IN

    Embrace your softness. Be DONE.

    8.7K posts in the last hour

    NEVER SWEAT AGAIN. The Dryness Protocol, by Whole Wheat Willie. 3 spots left.: a short shift, Book Four game
    SPOILERS UNDER PROTECTION PLUS Opens when you mark Book Four finished.

    POSTPONED

    SPOILERS UNDER PROTECTION PLUS Opens when you mark Book Four finished.

    AL DENTE IS A LIE

    SCAN YOUR TRUE SHAPE

    Seven questions. One scan. Know your grade.

    Results guaranteed. Accuracy not.

    Get scanned: a short shift, Book Five game
    SPOILERS UNDER PROTECTION PLUS Opens when you mark Book Five finished.

    APP ERROR

    Thank you for your participation in this social experiment.

    Powered by EQLZ

    MACHATTAN TRANSIT: the Announcer’s line of the day

    SALT STREET STATION · MILL LINE

    The platform speaker: The next train is delayed. The next train is always delayed. This is your life now.

    Late Service: Book Seven game

    SPOILERS UNDER PROTECTION PLUS Opens when you mark Book One finished.

    FROM THE ARCHIVE · SALT STREET STATION

    “Attention passengers: please do not block the exits for vibes. This is a transportation system, not a therapy session.”

    “Noted. Your optimism has been logged. It changes nothing.”

    SPOILERS UNDER PROTECTION PLUS Opens when you mark Book Seven finished.

    The Announcer knows this because your browser told it. Nobody else does.

    SPOILERS UNDER PROTECTION PLUS Opens when you mark Book Nine finished.

    LA SAGRA DELLA FARINA

    SINCE THE FIRST SACK

    SEVEN NIGHTS ON MARINARA ROW

    CANCELED — RELIEF STATION

    Flour. Water. Salt. Hands.

    Flour. Water. Salt. Hands.

    One card in Italian, one in Chinese, the same four words. Same recipe as the paste holding this wall up.

    The letterboard: the old café board on the bakery front. Nobody admits to changing the letters.

    TODAY’S SPECIAL: PATIENCE

    SPOILERS UNDER PROTECTION PLUS Opens when you mark Book Ten finished.

    ASK ME NEXT SEASON

    Old paper

    Kitchen posters: old paper at the edge of the wall

    SPOILERS UNDER PROTECTION PLUS Opens when you mark Book One finished.

    you noticed

    Under it, an older copy of the same poster. Under that, an older one.

    SPOILERS UNDER PROTECTION PLUS Opens when you mark Book Two finished.

    SPOILERS UNDER PROTECTION PLUS Opens when you mark Book Six finished.

    …ALWAYS HIRING

    …NECESSARY

    REMOVED. FOR THE RECORDS.

    Unauthorized recruitment inside a Protection Plus zone.

    SPOILERS UNDER PROTECTION PLUS Opens when you mark Book Seven finished.

    THE KITCHEN IS ALWAYS HIRING

    YOU LOOK TIRED. WE CAN HELP.

    SPOILERS UNDER PROTECTION PLUS Opens when you mark Book Seven finished.

    THE KITCHEN THANKS YOU FOR YOUR SERVICE

    NOW HIRING

    An arrow, pointing down at the grate.

    SPOILERS UNDER PROTECTION PLUS Opens when you mark Book Ten finished.

    THE KITCHEN IS ALWAYS HIRING

    APPLICATIONS FOR NEXT SEASON NOW OPEN

    Something behind this poster wants out. About eight seconds, with sound if yours is on.

    Go in Not tonight

    Post no bills

    POST NO BILLS: film, comics, shorts, social and news. Nothing announced

    This patch of the wall is kept for whatever comes after the books. Nothing goes up until it’s real.

    • THE STRAND: film

      POST NO BILLS DURUM BROS. MGMT Reserved. No dates. No promises. Very Machattan.

      Bulbs out. Jiggle gently.

    • The rack: comics

      Back issues: none. Front issues: also none.

      POST NO BILLS DURUM BROS. MGMT

    • On Roil: shorts

      POST NO BILLS DURUM BROS. MGMT

    • Sticker patch: social

      Nothing to follow here. Just the glue.

      POST NO BILLS DURUM BROS. MGMT

    • THE DAILY GRAIN: news

      Machattan’s paper of record. Printed on whatever’s dry.

      The Daily Grain prints when there’s something to print.

      Read The Daily Grain: news, and a feed you can follow without an account

    Pull back: to the street, across the lane

    At your feet

    Fine print: about, privacy, accessibility Books: the ten books

    The box print

    DURUM BROS. FOR LEASE

    Cooking Instructions: how this wall works

    1. Pick a poster.
    2. Read the opening.
    3. Mark it finished once you’ve read the whole book.
    4. Watch the wall change.
    5. Do not stir.

    Nutrition Facts: the series content note

    Serving size: 1 wall

    Contains: strong language, adult situations, mob menace, existential dread

    May contain: trace amounts of hope.

    Pull back: to the street, across the lane